break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
