god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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