i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
All I want is dick and wine.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
