My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
