So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
