I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
