I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
