Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
