I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I need moral support for this bender
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
