my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
