that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
