Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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