I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize