shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
