Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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