Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I checked into jail on foursquare
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize