why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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