i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
