WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This is my gift to your gina
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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