she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
