An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The struggles of a small town man whore
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
