You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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