I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
