Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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