i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You have to summon your inner elephant
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
