i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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