fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize