When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
