My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
