I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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