I met the friendliest cop last night
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
