I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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