He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
