i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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