Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
