you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This baby is an asshole
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
