i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
