He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
