you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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