we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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