I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
