He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
