We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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