You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
