You don't have asthma, your pregnant
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
