All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
