Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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