i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
