In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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