Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
