I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
