I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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