I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
