Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Need sex. Gaining weight.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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