what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
