Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
