just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
