I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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