just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
