just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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