rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
