I cockslap morals
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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