Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
