I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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