..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
