Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
