I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
