i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize