Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
