Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
