Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
