it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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