also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
