Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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