I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
