I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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